Help! The Midwest is ruining my gaydar!

Wouldn't it be nice if you had a real life gaydar gun?


Usually when you're trying to figure out if a girl is gay, you look at a few things.

• clothes
• hair
• fingernails
• accessories
• presence of any rainbow gear
• general look/demeanor

The problem is, in the midwest this is not always so effective and it's really negatively affecting the development of my gaydar. Don't get me wrong, my gaydar isn't that bad but it could use some work.

Anyways, the problem is the midwest. I've decided. Soccer moms (or softball moms, or basketball moms, etc....because soccer isn't that popular in this particular area) look a lot like lesbians. You know the type I'm talking about. Short hair. Northface pullover. Tennis shoes/hiking boots. Most often seen at a sporting even. Usually this would be a pretty good indicator. Unfortunately this is how the soccer mom crowd dresses here too. They all have these really dikey haircuts and clothes...and are always seen with a gaggle of equally dikey looking women, but then their kids coming running up to hug them and ask where dad is. Failure.

Then you see some really butchy woman in carpenter jeans, boots, and a flannel shirt. Gruff voice. Sort of like Weezie (the carpenter doing the remodel in Season 6 of the L Word). Really exactly like her. She breaks the gaydar gun! Then her husband walks in and there is a five minute embrace and a talk about cattle.

What gives? What's a baby lezzie to do? How am I ever supposed to tune my gaydar when everywhere I turn, straight women are regularly dressing like gay women? Help!
<3