Here's your Check

From time to time I get annoyed about the little things. One thing that is particularly annoying to me is how waiters/waitresses often assume that Kara is paying for dinner.


Am I not a gainfully employed adult? I wear more makeup and don't wear men's clothing. Does this mean I can't pay for dinner? For that matter when I occasionally eat with male friends they ALWAYS put the check in front of the guy I'm with. Couldn't they just put the check in the middle of the table every time, no matter who the customers?

Kara and I usually alternate paying for dinner and sometimes just split the check if our food is very expensive. Time and time again they put the check on her side of the table.

I guess I'd just like to put it out there that I'm not a fan.
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Summer

It's pretty officially summer in my mind. I know it doesn't actually start until an arbitrary date on a calendar somewhere, but in my heart, it's summer.

The sun is shining. The grass is green. It smells like honeysuckle and sunscreen (ok so maybe the sunscreen is just me...). The point is that summer is here and I'm really thrilled about it.

Today is our day off. We woke up around 10am, went to the farmers market and bought some amazing looking broccoli and spinach. We ran by Starbucks and grabbed coffee. Now what to do?
It's a beautiful day. Maybe we'll go to a local park or go for a hike or something. Or maybe we'll call up a friend with a pool and lounge around on a raft.

One thing is for sure...what I want to do is celebrate the summer before it's the middle of August and it's so hot I can't bear it!

What a disappointment

Forget my previous statement about not ranting about Prop 8. I am thoroughly disappointed in the state of California!

I know that the previous generation only hoped to be worrying about gay marriage. I know the in some states gay people can still be evicted from their homes or fired from their jobs just for being gay (hello Missouri).

I know that the fact it's even being talked about is a big deal, but it's not enough. LGBT individuals will eventually share all of the same rights as the rest of the population. It's just a matter of when.

Still, California has a history of being socially progressive. For me, a person who has always lived in the very conservative midwest, I like to look at more liberal states as a source of hope, as an example of changes that will hopefully make their way to middle America in the next decade. This is why I'm so disappointed that California upheld Prop 8. All the Missouri conservatives just nod their heads knowingly and say things like "it's about time people in California got some sense," and well that just makes me feel sad and defeated.

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Hottness of the Week: Ellen Page

Because I don't actually have anything interesting to post about and I refuse to rant about Prop 8 on my blog...at least for now.

Ellen Page. She's hott.




She's also working very closely with Drew Barrymore to make that roller derby movie...and we all know roller derby is hott!!!




They have been hanging out a lot and I'm hoping they are happily fucking.




Page is good at rocking the androgyny card. Especially in the film Hard Candy (screen shot below).




I particularly like this last photo...



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Happy Memorial Day Weekend!!!

I am going out tonight...yay!
Beers + queers = success!
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Hello...maintance!

Last week on a lazy Thursday afternoon, Kara and I were enjoying a quiet morning around the apartment. We made espresso, breakfast, and were just lounging around. Well one thing led to another and soon enough we found our way back to bed (surprise, surprise).

Our clothes were off, the windows were open, and we were having really hott sex. Suddenly we heard a noise. We stopped for a second, decided it must have been outside, and resumed our (somewhat noisy) sex. A few seconds later we heard a louder noise and a man's voice, "Hello...maintaince, it's Randy."

Fuck!!!!

I scrambled into some clothes (after slamming the bedroom door closed) and Kara hid in the bathroom. I went into the kitchen/living room area to see what the hell Randy was doing. He was tooling around with the thermostat in the living room and said, "I'm here to fix the air conditioner". Oh right the air conditioner wasn't working. I felt really awkward since I was certain he heard us having sex, my hair looked wild, I wasn't wearing a bra, and my face was flushed. Fan-fucking-tastic. I washed my hands nervously in the kitchen because I figured I probably smelled like sex. Finally he banged around on the AC and proclaimed that he didn't really know what is wrong or if it's fixed. Then he told me to close the windows and not to forget the ones in the bedroom (awkward). Finally he left.

WTF. I know that I left the landlord a note but I'm pretty sure they are supposed to call before they come over and have to let me know 24 hours in advance of thy will be in my apartment when I'm not there. Also if you enter an apartment and hear sex noises coming from the bedroom you should probably come back later!!!!!

Birth control and straight periods

Gotta love a title like that! I have decided to do perk/pitfall Wednesdays. I will declare some entertaining perks and pitfalls of lesbian life and you will be amused. Ok? Ok!

Perk: No more birth control pills! Thank goodness. They made me moody, cause vaginal dryness (sexy huh?), and made my periods hell. I could never remember to take them. Goodbye fake hormones!

Pitfall: Straight periods. Yeah, that's right. Kara and I have straight periods. In protest of our depraved lifestyle they have refused to syncronize. Bitches!

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I got the promotion!

Yay! My manager told me yesterday...after a few weeks of training I will officially be a shift supervisor.

That's all!

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Graduation update

Well graduation was Sunday and I lived through the day. Success!

First Kara got mad at me because she felt under dressed and wished I would have told her more about the dress code before hand. Fair enough! Turns out her outfit was fine anyways.

Fast forward to graduation. I felt the eyes of a lot of people but thankfully nothing too awkward happened. Ironicly enough the 40ish lady who had a live in girlfriend for several years sat right behind us (with her husband, this gross burly man...ick).

My dad came and there was a very awkward exchange between him and my brother. Fortunately it was civil which is a start.

I talked to him while Kara was in the bathroom to minimize the uncomfortable factor. Later dad came over to where the two of us were standing and talked to me, completly ignoring Kara. Mom rescued her and they went in a different area of the gym. As Kara walked away he looked her up and down and seemed very unimpressed by her existance. The awkward father saga continues!

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Degrees of Friendship

For my lesbian timeline series I have been mapping out a rough timeline. As part of the process I have a list of all the girls along the way. I sort of have them categorized by degrees of friendship in my mind. Here is my personal friendship scale.

The scale starts at completely platonic friendship. This includes reasonable time spent together, normal friend activities, no sexual tension, and no sexual or romantic contact.

The next step is a middle ground that I call a 'homance'. You might have heard the term 'bromance' before. Well this is the female equalivent. The defining characteristic is the ammount of time spent together (every waking moment) and the type of activities enjoyed (dinner and a movie). This relationship is not romantic or sexual but takes as much time and energy as a relationship.

The third type of friendship, the passionate friendship, I had never really heard of until I read the book Same Sex in the City. According to the book, a passionate friendship is a "friendship that doesn't allow itself (due to inhibition/lack of recognition/lack of language/social sanction) to develop a 'proper' relationship." I was glad to have words to describe this mess of a friendship. Key indicators include sexual tension, a serious crush held by one or both parties, flirtation and inuendo without acknowledgement, and a near relationship type friendship (without the sex). These often happen when straight girls are involved and often end in heartache, yearning, and drama.

The end if this scale is of course an actual romantic relationship that includes sex.

I know that there are lots of other types of friendships and I am by no means trying to make any iron clad definitions, but I just thought I'd give you a little background of my classifications so that when I say "I had a total homance with D," it makes sense.

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Ugh! How long does it take

How long does it take to run a background check? It has been two and a half weeks since my background check was sent off.

I would really like to know for certain that I got the promotion at work. The district manager basically said I needed to go to a training meeting next week even if my background check isn't back, which indicates to me that I have the position. I know my background check is fine. Still it would be nice to stop wondering (and get a raise and a week if paid training!!!)

My patience is running out, lol!

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What if...?

I've been thinking about high school more than usual over the past couple of days, due to my brother's upcoming graduation, and playing a little game of what if. What if I realized I was gay while I was still in high school?

Would I have came out to my parents? Friends? Anyone? I'm not really sure. I spent a lot of time online so the first person I came out to would almost certainly have been from the fourm I was a part of. Since I lived in such a small town if I told even one person, everyone would have known within days. I'm pretty sure that I would have told my parents first and eventually my friends. Hell I might have had a party (ok so probably not).

I wonder how people would have reacted? My hometown is a pretty conservative place and homophobia is basically everywhere, mostly due to ignorance and inexperience. It was almost encouraged for boys to play "smear the queer" at recess when I was a kid. The term fag is often used as an insult for just about everything. Even adults say "that's so gay". I've heard teachers tell crying little boys not to be such fairies.

Surprisingly, the two openly gay boys who went to my high school didn't have too rough of a time as far as I remember. The 40ish woman who divorced her husband and moved a woman in months later was a hot piece of gossip for awhile but I don't think anyone was ever actually rude to them. Still there has never been an out lesbian at my high school to my knowledge.

When you are in high school in a really small town with a lesbian population of 2 (both in their 40s and together) who do you date? Where do you meet girls?

Scary thought: would I have had a girlfriend before college? Dated? Had sex?

Sometimes I just can't help but wonder.
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I miss The L Word

I know the last season was crazy and a little lame. I know that Ilene Chailken is a nutter. I know that it's over.

Still...I miss it. I wish The L Word was still on. I wish they would do another season...or a movie. I feel like I didn't get any closure. Hell we didn't even find out who killed Jenny, not that it even matters since the whole plot line was stupid.

I would like another lesbian drama to watch. That's all.

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Hottness of the Week: Lilly Allen

I really like Lilly Allen a lot. I first discovered her on Ellen a couple of months ago.




Then I heard a few of her songs and liked her even more. I'm a sucker for accents.



I googled her one afternoon and found out she made a habit of going braless and tanning topless (despite the fact that her breasts aren't perfect and round or fake, go team real boobs!)




She is also bff with Lindsay Lohan, which worried me a little at first. Now I realize this could lead to a drunken hookup? A girl can hope right?




Also they got matching shhh tattoos on their index fingers (which turned out to be embarasing since Rihanna already had one). I want this tattoo lol.




And of course Lilly Allen loves the gays. I like her new video/song Fuck You...google it!



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My brother is graduating!

My brother is graduating high school this Sunday afternoon. There were many times I worried that this day would never come, but he has made it and on time. I'm pretty proud BUT (there's always a but) a little worried about attending the graduation.



Concern #1: My father. My dad and brother don't really talk anymore and there's a lot of tension there. Will he come? Surely he will attend the graduation of his own son. Will it be awkward? Will I be drug in the middle yet again?

Concern #2: Being at my old high school. I grew up in a town of about 1200 people. I'm sure word has gotten around that I'm a lesbian but this will be the first really public event that I'm taking Kara too. Also the first public event that my dad will be at that I'm taking Kara to. Also lots of people my age who I haven't seen in forever will be there, which causes anxiety regardless.

Concern #3: I have nothing to wear.

Help!

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Experimenting

I was thinking of a new series of posts that I want to do about my past and all the little things that indicated I might be a lesbian that I never really took note of. Sort of a lesbian timeline, lol. I was trying to think of the first time I ever did anything sexual or had romantic feelings for a girl.

The first tume i ever "did someting" with a girl i was just a kid. As a small child I did a lot of experimenting. I would say that I was oversexed but maybe it's completly normal.

At age 6 I made some boy show me his penis. I was not impressed.

At age 7 I had several encounters with girls. They basically included oral sex and nipple stimulation. Also lots of grinding and making out. Most of them occurred within a group of three of us but a couple of times it was just me and another girl. I think there were a total of five girls all together that I had contact with.

Idk. I just think it's weird. I was never molested or sexually abused. I was the one initiating most of this contact. I have never spoken to any of them about this, even though I was friends with most of them throughout high school.

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Toilet Paper

Can I just say that there are a couple of munor inconviences that result from being a lesbian (or at least from living with a woman, lol). No I'm not talking about asshole people or discrimination. Today I want to talk about toliet paper.

Kara and I go through so much more toilet paper than I did when I lived with a boy. It seems like we are out once every two days. I guess this would apply to straight girls living together but I never really remember it being so drastic with my old roomates.

I think we might have to start buying super sized packages from Sam's Club or something!

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I love my girlfriend!

The other day I realized I don't really talk about Kara much on my blog. I talk about random girls who flirt with me and girls that I think are hott, but I don't have much to say about the girl I love. Does this seem fair? Not really.

Kara is an amazing part of my life. I can't really imagine my life without her. She is smart, funny, passionate, caring, and sexy. She always has good advice, ranging from the trivial (when you pin back your bangs your haircut looks much less cool) to the important. I love spending time with her. It doesn't matter if we are just watching our latest tv obsession on DVD (Skins!), having an adventure at Wildcat Park (there is a huge hill to climb that puts you on top of a breath-taking cliff), or eating at Festival, our favorite local Mexican resturant.

Basically I wake up every day feeling like the luckiest girl alive (ok as long as it isn't 4:30 am) and I just want everyone to know.

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Do you know who I am?

A couple of weeks ago Kara and I were eating dinner at Chili's (yum black bean burgers!) in Pittsburg, a nearby town that I went to college in.

Our waitress looked a little familar to me, but I just assumed she had been in one of my classes at Pitt State. She had a TON of makeup on and was realy, really tanned. I didn't think much of it. Kara and I both ordered Patroń margaritas (delicious I might add) and she checked our ID's. After looking at mine she said, "Shut up! Do you know who I am?" Of course as soon as she said that I knew exactly who she was!

Her name is Talia and she is my ex-step sister. My dad married her mom when I was about 5 or 6 and divorced her when I was 10 or 11. I think she is about 7 years older than I am. The last time I saw her her was probably ten years ago. She has lost about 40 pounds, spent hours in a tanning bed, and started applying makeup with a very heavy hand!

Running into Talia was one of the most random things that has happened to me in a long, long time. Maybe I should add her to facebook? Or maybe not, it might just be too weird.

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Clover Girl

One day last week I had a very interesting day at work. I was bringing a load of pastries from a store across town to my store. I parked my car by the curb and went inside to get the dolly. I brought it outside and was in the middle of propping the door open when out walked a customer.

She was about 5'10, had short dark hair, and looked like she just went on a shopping spree in the men's section of American Eagle (complete with pink AE boxers I might add). She usually comes in once a week with her mom and gets some sort of extra caramel with whipped cream breve caramel macchiato.

Anyways, she came outside and said, "oh honey you don't have to do that I'll hold the door open for you". I let her hold the door and then she asked if I needed help lifting the boxes. I reassureed her that I could handle it. After I finished I thanked her and put away my car. It was obvious she was flirting with me but I was being good and not really flirting back (much).

I made my way back inside the store and started working the drive thru. It got busy for a couple of minutes but I noticed that that girl was doing something out in the grass by the drive thru lane right by the window. I knew it had something to do with me but I wasn't really sure what.

Sure enough after I got the last car through she started making her way over. I asked her if she found something in the grass. Indeed she had not one but two four leaf clovers in her hand. She said, "I picked a four leaf clover for you. Everyone thinks they are really hard to find but I think it's pretty easy if you know where to look." This was accompanied by a lot of intense eye contact and obviously meant to hold a double meaning (lesbians aren't so hard to find if you know where to look). I sort of mumbled around a thank you and managed to smile. Clover girl then threw around some compliments and the word sweetheart a few times and strutted away.

I kid you not this all really happened!!!

My immediate reactions in no particular order: fuck my girlfriend is going to kill me!; yay I set off some girl's gaydar enough for her to give me a clover; clover girl is kind of hott; probably I get a lesbian badge for this; shit I forgot what that other customers order was; how am I going to explain this clover to my boss!

For the record Kara is not at all worried about clover girl. She thinks picking a "weed" for someone is not really the best form of flirting. Mostly I think she just knows how completly in love with her I am!

Also the next time I see clover girl I will definitely find a way to casually drop the girlfriend bomb into conversation. Leading girls on is not my thing. Besides I need lesbifriends...I think we have a candidate.
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My little is awesome

I met my little earlier and she is awesome!!! We went to dinner at Panera Bread and then had Italian cream sodas with coconut at Books a Million. She talked my leg off.

Next week we are watching a movie and maybe doing some crafts since she has a broken foot. Crutches make anything that involves a lot of walking no fun.

Still not sure when to tell Karly that I'm gay but I'm sure I'll know when the time is right.

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I'm meeting my little today

Tonight at 5pm I'm meeting my new little sister with BBBS! I can't wait. Her name is Karly and she is 11.

The meeting last Friday with her mom went really well. We mostly talked about Karly and why her mom wanted to get her involved with the program. Surprisingly enough there wasn't any talk at all about me being gay. I guess her mom is cool. I kind of wish that there had been though. I would have liked a little input from her about when she thought I should bring it up with Karly.

Idk advice anyone? I don't really think I'm going to bring it up during our first outing unless she specifically asks me if I'm dating anyone or whatever. I feel the need to google some tips about coming out to children...

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Interview Update

So remember how I was applying for that shift supervisor possition last week. Yeah well the interview went pretty well. I feel like I talked about all the things I wanted too and I didn't get too flustered.

The other person applying didn't end up applying after all. They haven't officially offered me the position but I filled out a ten page background check and my background is clean.

I'm excited! I will be making a little more money too and I will finally be in a leadership position in my store.

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Hottness of the Week: Megan Fox

Sorry I haven't posted in forever! I don't even have any excuses lol. Anyways here's a hottness of the week to make you love me again.

Without further ado, the beautiful miss Megan Fox!




Something about girls working on cars really turns me on.



Apparently she visited a Starbucks here in Joplin a couple of days ago. I was not fortunate enough to be present for this event.




Also the whole library thing is hott.




That's all folks.
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