Oh Carmen, you had me at hello in those red underwear!
Hottest sex scene in the entire show.
My detachable showerhead is named after Carmen...and this is why.
Lust.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Hottness of the Week: Sarah Shahi
In honor of the last episode ever of The L Word this week's hottness is none other than Sarah Shahi, also known as Carmen on the show.
Oh Carmen, you had me at hello in those red underwear!
Hottest sex scene in the entire show.
My detachable showerhead is named after Carmen...and this is why.
Lust.
Oh Carmen, you had me at hello in those red underwear!
Hottest sex scene in the entire show.
My detachable showerhead is named after Carmen...and this is why.
Lust.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Frustration over not coming out sooner
I was 20 years old when I came out. I realize that lots of people come out much later in life than me and it's getting more common every day. I know that I wasn't really that old, but I just feel a little frustrated sometimes that I didn't come out sooner, not even to myself.
I just lived for 20 years without knowing who I really am. In high school people were suspicious that I was a lesbian. I didn't date. I wasn't very interested in boys. I had lots of very close friendships with other girls. My family was concerned. I mostly just thought that people were trying to start rumors (I grew up in a very small town) and ignored them all. I never gave it much thought.
As early as the beginning of high school, the majority of my sexual fantasies involved women. 95% of my sexual dreams involved women. Later in both of my relationships with men I told them that I was interested in having sex with women. I thought it was normal. Curiosity.
I don't know if I was in denial or what but it really just never occurred to me that I could be gay. I knew a small handful of gay people, mostly men. I was friends with the two gay boys at my school. I certainly had nothing against people who were gay.
Maybe I just couldn't deal with it. I had a lot of things going on in high school including an eating disorder and a really chaotic home life. I kept myself really busy, immersed myself in activities.
Even in college I didn't really think much of it. Once I tried to have sex with a friend when I was drunk but rejection happened and I just wrote it off as drunk college life. I was in a 2 year relationship with a guy that I didn't really love or even like that much...not to mention was not at all sexually attracted to.
Idk...I just feel like I should have known sooner, like I should have known myself better than that.
<3
I just lived for 20 years without knowing who I really am. In high school people were suspicious that I was a lesbian. I didn't date. I wasn't very interested in boys. I had lots of very close friendships with other girls. My family was concerned. I mostly just thought that people were trying to start rumors (I grew up in a very small town) and ignored them all. I never gave it much thought.
As early as the beginning of high school, the majority of my sexual fantasies involved women. 95% of my sexual dreams involved women. Later in both of my relationships with men I told them that I was interested in having sex with women. I thought it was normal. Curiosity.
I don't know if I was in denial or what but it really just never occurred to me that I could be gay. I knew a small handful of gay people, mostly men. I was friends with the two gay boys at my school. I certainly had nothing against people who were gay.
Maybe I just couldn't deal with it. I had a lot of things going on in high school including an eating disorder and a really chaotic home life. I kept myself really busy, immersed myself in activities.
Even in college I didn't really think much of it. Once I tried to have sex with a friend when I was drunk but rejection happened and I just wrote it off as drunk college life. I was in a 2 year relationship with a guy that I didn't really love or even like that much...not to mention was not at all sexually attracted to.
Idk...I just feel like I should have known sooner, like I should have known myself better than that.
<3
Friday, March 6, 2009
My Dad..
So...my dad just texted me "hey what's your schedule on Sunday? let's have lunch." Ugh. I know, he's my father, I love him...and I should want to have free food with him on Sunday after I get off work....BUT he drives me nuts.
Mostly I just feel like he's really uncomfortable with my sexuality and it's this big elephant in the room every time we're together. My coming out conversation with him was more than a little uncomfortable.
Me: Um so there's something I should tell you.
Dad: Shoot.
Me: Well, I'm a lesbian...and mostly I wasn't going to tell you about it until I was in a really serious relationship and you needed to know about it, but apparently Robbie (brother) has been running around spouting off things like, "Everyone thinks Cassie's so perfect but she's a LESBIAN!" I just didn't want you to find out like that, because well that's pretty shitty. And anyways, yeah...now you know.
Dad: Well, it's your life and I can't really tell you what to do with it.
Me: Yeah...I guess so. I dunno I just didn't want you to hear from someone else if that makes any sense.
Dad: I won't hold it against you.
Me: Cool...anyways I'm dating a girl that I work with and I'm happy.
Dad: I see.
Basically after that I steered the conversation away from the subject and we really haven't discussed it since (almost a year ago). He's met Kara. It was one of the most awkward things ever. He was polite but didn't really say anything.
On the handful of occasions where I've seen my dad and Kara was with me, he has completely ignored her but in a sort of non-confrontational way. Also when I mention her in conversation he pretends it never happens.
I guess this post is mostly just to vent about the way he acts about it. Mostly it's just ignored so I don't really have any idea how he feels about it. For all I know he may think that it was just a phase that I've already outgrown??? I'm assuming not since I have mentioned Kara a few times and once he went to her store and asked her if she knew where I was.
*sigh*
Parents can be so fun...
<3
Mostly I just feel like he's really uncomfortable with my sexuality and it's this big elephant in the room every time we're together. My coming out conversation with him was more than a little uncomfortable.
Me: Um so there's something I should tell you.
Dad: Shoot.
Me: Well, I'm a lesbian...and mostly I wasn't going to tell you about it until I was in a really serious relationship and you needed to know about it, but apparently Robbie (brother) has been running around spouting off things like, "Everyone thinks Cassie's so perfect but she's a LESBIAN!" I just didn't want you to find out like that, because well that's pretty shitty. And anyways, yeah...now you know.
Dad: Well, it's your life and I can't really tell you what to do with it.
Me: Yeah...I guess so. I dunno I just didn't want you to hear from someone else if that makes any sense.
Dad: I won't hold it against you.
Me: Cool...anyways I'm dating a girl that I work with and I'm happy.
Dad: I see.
Basically after that I steered the conversation away from the subject and we really haven't discussed it since (almost a year ago). He's met Kara. It was one of the most awkward things ever. He was polite but didn't really say anything.
On the handful of occasions where I've seen my dad and Kara was with me, he has completely ignored her but in a sort of non-confrontational way. Also when I mention her in conversation he pretends it never happens.
I guess this post is mostly just to vent about the way he acts about it. Mostly it's just ignored so I don't really have any idea how he feels about it. For all I know he may think that it was just a phase that I've already outgrown??? I'm assuming not since I have mentioned Kara a few times and once he went to her store and asked her if she knew where I was.
*sigh*
Parents can be so fun...
<3
What is it with gay girls and hand touching?
Hand touching is such a lesbian thing to do. Think about it. How many times have you flirted with a girl and subtly brushed your fingertips across hers? How many times has that cute girl at Starbucks let her fingers linger on yours as she hands you your coffee? What about the intense interlocking of hands before making out with your new girlfriend? You know, with the little power struggle that ends up with someone pressed against the wall?
Hand touching is one of the most discreet ways to flirt with another woman. If your gaydar has failed you (or you like flirting with straight girls...and hey, who doesn't?) then your "victim" is unlikely to think much of it. If she even notices then she'll probably assume it's an accident. And if she does notice, well chances are it's because in the past she's done a little hand touching herself. Throw in a little eye contact, a smile, a wink, whatever it is that you do, and you should be able to make your point. If you've never heard of this you should try it. Specifically if you work in an industry where you would hand something to someone (money, food, clothing) or you can find a way to pick up something that your crush has dropped.
Bonus: Guys don't know about this. I don't know if they missed the memo or if it's just too creepy to have some random guy touch your hand but the only man who has ever touched my hand in a flirtatious manner was some weird salesman...
<3
Hand touching is one of the most discreet ways to flirt with another woman. If your gaydar has failed you (or you like flirting with straight girls...and hey, who doesn't?) then your "victim" is unlikely to think much of it. If she even notices then she'll probably assume it's an accident. And if she does notice, well chances are it's because in the past she's done a little hand touching herself. Throw in a little eye contact, a smile, a wink, whatever it is that you do, and you should be able to make your point. If you've never heard of this you should try it. Specifically if you work in an industry where you would hand something to someone (money, food, clothing) or you can find a way to pick up something that your crush has dropped.
Bonus: Guys don't know about this. I don't know if they missed the memo or if it's just too creepy to have some random guy touch your hand but the only man who has ever touched my hand in a flirtatious manner was some weird salesman...
<3
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Why are men still buying me drinks?
When I was confused and still thought I was straight, guys bought me drinks. I get it. I was putting off some straight girl vibes at a bar and they thought they could get laid. So they would have some cheesy pickup line and offer to buy me a drink. I was not so much interested in sleeping with them, but like any good alcoholic I spouted off my drink of choice (Jack and diet coke at the time) and enjoyed.
Imagine my surprise when a guy bought drinks for Kara (gf), Alanna (friend), and I at the local gay bar the other night. About halfway through the night we made friends with a gay boy named Richard. He was sort of a pretentious ass but he kept buying us drinks so it was something I could overlook.
A week or so later Nate, a gay boy who works with me, bought drinks for several people at a birthday dinner I was at, Kara and I included.
Confused face.
I've been friends with lots of gay boys and never did a single one of them ever offer to buy me a drink when I was "straight". So do gay boys only buy drinks for lesbians? Were these special circumstances? Twice in one month...I just find it a little odd. Men who have absolutely no chance of getting laid and don't even want to have sex with me are buying me alcohol.
I guess I just need to accept that they were being nice people? Or perhaps that they were trying to impress someone else? Or feel a part of my group?
Whatev. I'm not complaining.
<3
Imagine my surprise when a guy bought drinks for Kara (gf), Alanna (friend), and I at the local gay bar the other night. About halfway through the night we made friends with a gay boy named Richard. He was sort of a pretentious ass but he kept buying us drinks so it was something I could overlook.
A week or so later Nate, a gay boy who works with me, bought drinks for several people at a birthday dinner I was at, Kara and I included.
Confused face.
I've been friends with lots of gay boys and never did a single one of them ever offer to buy me a drink when I was "straight". So do gay boys only buy drinks for lesbians? Were these special circumstances? Twice in one month...I just find it a little odd. Men who have absolutely no chance of getting laid and don't even want to have sex with me are buying me alcohol.
I guess I just need to accept that they were being nice people? Or perhaps that they were trying to impress someone else? Or feel a part of my group?
Whatev. I'm not complaining.
<3
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Roommates
Roommates. The term drives me crazy.
I know in some circles "roommate" is code word for girlfriend/partner/lady lover who lives with you. I know that when you are trying to introduce your live in girlfriend to your great grandma (who you are not out to) it's easier to say roommate. I know that sometimes when people don't know what to say or feel uncomfortable saying girlfriend/lover/wife/etc they just say roommate.
I know. I get it. I understand the need. I've used the term before myself (the grandma scenario). Still it drives me insane!
It irritates me most when people are uncomfortable and don't know how to classify our relationship out loud. It just makes me feel awkward and weird and dirty.
Maybe I am asking for to much from people. Maybe I should just get over it. Maybe not.
<3
I know in some circles "roommate" is code word for girlfriend/partner/lady lover who lives with you. I know that when you are trying to introduce your live in girlfriend to your great grandma (who you are not out to) it's easier to say roommate. I know that sometimes when people don't know what to say or feel uncomfortable saying girlfriend/lover/wife/etc they just say roommate.
I know. I get it. I understand the need. I've used the term before myself (the grandma scenario). Still it drives me insane!
It irritates me most when people are uncomfortable and don't know how to classify our relationship out loud. It just makes me feel awkward and weird and dirty.
Maybe I am asking for to much from people. Maybe I should just get over it. Maybe not.
<3
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Hottness of the Week: Pink
Pink is hott. This particular photo makes me wish she were gay. Well really any photo, but especially this one...
Seriously. Sooo fucking hott!
Also, in case you missed it, she makes out with and grinds against herself in her latest music video, Sober. It's about the middle of the song if you find yourself wanting to fast forward through the video like I do. It starts about 2:20 if you are really impatient.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPhBiddzWjc
And one last pic just because!
<3
Seriously. Sooo fucking hott!
Also, in case you missed it, she makes out with and grinds against herself in her latest music video, Sober. It's about the middle of the song if you find yourself wanting to fast forward through the video like I do. It starts about 2:20 if you are really impatient.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPhBiddzWjc
And one last pic just because!
<3
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